Auntie Gertrude
Auntie Gertie is our most colorful relative. She was virtually responsible for single- handedly bringing about the sexual revolution in the 60’s and 70’s.
With such offbeat recipes like “Well Hung Banana Bread”, and “Sexual Chocolate”, it’s no wonder she had as many suitors as she did.
Alas, Auntie got a little older, and decided to settle down. So, instead of bringing home a different guy every night, she cut it back to only two guys, twice a week. Then she met Uncle Jeff, and was instantly taken with his utter lack of social skills, internal filter, and general self- respect.
Since she had a “great” reputation in town, and her phone number posted in every bathroom in the tri- state area, she felt she wasn’t going to do any better than Jeff. She also felt she could have done worse- and she did. Like the visiting cadets from West Point- all 100 of them in the space of a long weekend.
Whatever faults Auntie Gertie has (low self esteem, Daddy issues, a standing penicillin prescription), she is still loved- by everyone over and over again.
One of her most redeeming qualities is that she can cook. Whether it’s road- killed possum, brioche, or beef wellington, the lady has a knack for fixing the most delicious dishes you’ve ever tasted. Maybe it’s ’cause she feeds all of her “boyfriends”. Or maybe not. Whatever the reason is, she’s got it going on.
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